i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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