I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
