Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
