i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You dont lie about slip and slides
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
