PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
