my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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