I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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