i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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