I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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