Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
