He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
