After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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