A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
