So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Floor bacon is actually really good
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
