I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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