My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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