i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
