I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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