Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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