I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
