All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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