Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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