I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
