Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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