The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
