Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found your dick twin last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
