I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
