she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
