i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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