Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
