Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
