My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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