That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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