Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
