I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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