Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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