When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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