You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
