She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
