I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
