Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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