Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
