other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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