i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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