He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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