he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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