Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
