yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
