Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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