Sober January is a disaster.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
