Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
