I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
