thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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