Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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