There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
