We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want to fling myself into the sun
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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