My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently you make a good broom.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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