I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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