you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
