theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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