it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
should my penis look like a turkey
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
