i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm gonna fight the coyote
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
