Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
