I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have post one night stand depression
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
