Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
