Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
