After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
