i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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