So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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