I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
