There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pants are for mortals
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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