Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
