I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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