sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
