Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
