She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
